InsaneJournal

Title: While your head is spinning.
Characters: Barty Crouch, Jr./Severus Snape.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: “You do have problems!”
Word Count: 740.
Warnings: Slash, snogging, language, generally questionable stuff.
Disclaimer: They're all JKR's kids and/or the kids of JKR's kids; I'm just playing with them. Not at all inspired by or reflective of blurred_lines or dontsayaword canon. This Severus is in no way related to hafren's or katling's. Demetrius Mucliber, on the other hand, is borrowed from blurred_lines canon and is andronicus's.
A/N: I'm still a bad person. This is news? Also, I remembered this weekend why "We Both Go Down Together" was always my Barty/Severus theme song. Then I missed my OTP. So I wrote this while waiting for my flight.

Everything is wonderful; for once, Severus has won something. For the first time in all too long, Lily didn’t run to Potter, to her knight in shining Quidditch gear, to that arrogant son of a bitch she calls a husband – oh, no, she didn’t go running to that fucking bastard who’d sooner turn her into a subject or a trophy, rather than exalt and praise her the way that she deserves. She came to Severus, crying over the horrid things that Potter did, the wretched things he said, the way that he allowed Sirius Black to objectify the woman who was meant to be his wife. Of course, Severus took her in his arms. He let her cry on his shoulder and, when it happened, he didn’t refuse the kiss she gave him, or all of the subsequent ones.

Finally, he’s won. It took a while, but Lily finally chose him over Potter, and – what the…

Suddenly, things begin to shift. First, the mouth Severus is kissing raises several inches, becoming more level with his own. The taste is still the same, and the tongue as tricky, but the lips are thinner and less becoming of the cherry-flavoured balm put on them. Those curves that Severus has been hungrily fingering are abruptly more angular, still slender in the stomach but with diminished, bony hips and no breasts to speak of, despite the bra that Severus has still failed to undo. Unsure of what to do, he keeps kissing – everything obviously objectionable aside, he’s still being kissed and, for all he knows this is no longer Lily, the kiss is not that bad – slowly opening his eyes…

Once he does, he rips himself away, shoving his assailant to the ground. Without much of a struggle, either from weighing enough to put one up or from having the presence of mind to do so, his skinny, blonde aggressor crashes to the ground.

“Barty!” Severus shouts, practically retching. He doesn’t even need to look at Barty properly, and he isn’t rightly sure he can; all he had to see was the mop of straw-coloured hair.

Barty huffs, it’s a petulant and a vexing sound. “Don’t act so surprised,” he snaps, as though it’s perfectly normal for one to be kissing the girl of one’s dreams, only to find out that, not only is it not her, but, of all people, it’s him.

“What the fuck are you – excuse me for being – I have every right to be surprised, thank you very much!”

“Then don’t be so hostile; we both know that you enjoyed it.”

Severus has to pause and recollect himself before he can even consider thinking of an argument to this. Of course he enjoyed it – when he thought that it was Lily or at least another woman, instead of Barty, who might as well have no motive aside from keeping Severus as annoyed as possible.

“I’m not gay, Barty,” Severus finally settles on. “I told you that before, and I meant it.”

“And yet you enjoyed kissing me,” Barty retorts matter-of-factly, finally standing up and crossing his arms over his chest, no doubt out of irritation, rather than modesty. “So… what is it then, Severus? You like me well enough as friends, and you have no problems whatsoever with leading me on, only to leave me with, ‘Oh, but, Barty, I’m not gay’ – then you like it when we’re kissing, but only if I’m masquerading as Evans? And Demetrius thinks I’m the one with problems.”

“You do have problems!” Severus isn’t yelling, but he’s certainly about to start. The logic – or lack thereof, though this is Barty here – here is simply astounding in its utter failure to make any modicum of sense. “It is not normal to Polyjuice yourself – as I’m assuming that’s what you did-”

“It was,” Barty interjects with a smirk, looking quite pleased with himself.

“Shut up, Barty! …As I was saying, it is not normal to Polyjuice yourself – or to Polyjuice yourself into a girl – in order to seduce someone against their will!”

“Oh, you were very willing, Severus. Besides, it worked, didn’t it?”

“That isn’t the point, Barty!”

“Oh come off it, Severus,” Barty snaps coldly. “You are not upset that I seduced you, and we both know that very well. You’re upset that I was coming here as Evans and you couldn’t tell.”

Severus swallows thickly. Why the fuck does Barty have to be right?